In 2011, was when I begin my "spiritual journey" but it was different, you see during this time I was engaging in all types of things to seek truth. I would say I was a spiritual nomad, I remember I was heavy into yoga and the chanting stuff, I wanted to be an instructor but went down a deeper rabbit hole. Which led me into all this new age philosophy reading books like "The Secret" and talking about the "Universe." I remember one time I went for a walk in the woods out in Jersey, and I started talking to a bunch of rocks. I was merely going through a phase of self discovery, navigating my purpose in life. Granted, I was raised in the church, then I moved away from the church atmosphere. I felt in my spirit I wasn't being fed, why was I walking in church feeling helpless and still walking out feeling helpless. Something was off, keep in mind this is my foundation, coming from a faith based, praying warrior family. I was still on this journey but still living in the world doing worldly things. It was ridiculous, but even during those times, my heavenly father still had his hands on me. I didn't understand why I was embarking on this journey and feeling irritated because I didn't feel like I was progressing. But I knew that God was calling me higher, and in 2013 when my life shattered upside down from losing my mother was when things started to make since.
All I remember was falling to floor and screaming to heavens for God and starting praying. It was very clear I was in my room my sister and I sat on the floor and starting praying. I remember my dad standing over us watching. It was in that moment nothing else mattered but prayer from my heavenly father. It was in that moment, a power bigger than myself lifted me up and gathered me for strength. Let me tell you, losing my mother changed me in words I can't describe. I felt like Neo from the Matrix when he was forced to make a decisions between the taking the red pill or the blue pill. And without hesitation I took the red pill which took the veil off my eyes, in regards to this life. Suddenly, everything seemed fake. Losing my earthly mother became real. And as I had much needed time to reflect I realized, how this life was like a vapor, I realized why I was beginning my spiritual walk. I saw a quote the other day on IG posted by one my sisters in Christ. It stated ( not verbatim) "We distance ourselves from God when we are living foul, but God still loves us." This reminded me how my personal experiences on my journey, but my God is gracious!!! I was thinking how much we cling to all these exterior entities that don't mean anything. We think it does because in that moment it makes us feel good. Once it's in your possession you realize there is no meaning or substance behind clinging to worldly things. I personally, realized it was God all the time, he has been and always been the head of my life, even when I strayed away. He said nope Come here my child, you stay under me and I will show you what is real vs. the illusions of this world.
For every child of God defeats this evil world , and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God. 1 John 4-5 NLV
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